create a world

Glogster

2009-10-13T01:55:00.001-05:00

The Warren Invite: when you forget your camera battery

2009-09-20T15:04:00.002-05:00

Taken at the Warren Invite in 2008.

Moments can be captured, but as closed doors open new ones, this memory is different. Not frozen like a still shot, the Warren Invite replays in my mind, warm by the after-effect of sweaty post-race hugs.

SEPT 19 09-- Rumbling down the road, our bus makes its way from Skokie to Gurnee. Today's the race we've all been waiting for: The Warren Invite.

Distance: 3 miles for all levels--frosh/soph, varsity, & junior varsity.

Features: Run time along a path in a beautiful cool forest preserve, concessions, clean bathrooms, & oh, almost forgot to mention, a big hill.

Wiping the slight drool from the side of my mouth, I lift my head from Diana's shoulder. Back straight against the seat, her eyes are closed. "Hey Diana, you can lean on my shoulder too." Readjusting her position, soon Diana's head and mine lightly bump each other left to right with hers sandwiched between my shoulder and head. The bus pulls into Warren High School's parking lot and already a wave of buses are there. I nudge Paula awake by tapping her head in the seat front of us.

Making camp on a grassy spot speckled with morning dew, the team lays out a blue tarp. "Laaadies, we're enforcing the NO-SHOES-ON-TARP rule. So leave your bags here, but take your shoes OFF!" demands the captains. All the girls plop their belongings in the center and gingerly slip out of their grass-stained shoes.

"FRESHMAN & SOPHOMORE GIRLSS, get ready to warm up!" Diana and Paula stand. Although I wouldn't be able to run with them, for once, I'd have the chance to capture the two running.

Excited by all the photo opportunities, I cautiously remove my camera from my bag, remove the cap, turn the switch on, and view Diana planting herself in a shot of perfection without even realizing it. I click the little black button... no response. The fantastic feel of the shot and accompanying shutter sound are amiss.

Frantic, I glare at the 3 inch monitor in hope of seeing a screen of gray filled with numbers and letters of photographic information-- but no, a blank black rectangle stares back and laughs at me. A dark revelation hits. I swiftly flip over the camera body and open the battery hatch: Empty, like my hopes of taking hundreds of pictures of my teammates running.

Disenchanted, I change my plans and head toward the starting line with a different light bulb floating over my head.

BANG! The race begins. The first loop's a breezy mile, but the second and third miles are a bit trickier. Positioning myself along the base of the hill, I keep an eye out for Diana or Paula. Girls of all different colored uniforms spurt forward from the forest path. Wearing black and white with a spot of red, Diana emerges.

"Go Diana!" She approaches the hill. A couple weeks ago, we ran at a meet loaded with some of the most vicious hills. Unprepared at the time, we vowed to overcome the next time. Diana meets the hill. "Just like practice! RUNNN!" As the race progresses, phrases spew out of my mouth anxious to see action. "STAAY STRONGG!" "You CAN DO THIS!" "Stick TOGETHER!" "NICE JOB!!" I had become one of those loud obnoxious coaches.

After running two and a half miles, Paula has one more hill climb to go. She walks. You simply cannot walk in a race. I scream. She turns. Paula, run! I scream, again. Finally, Paula runs and conquers the hill. I think for her: Veni, vidi, vici.

Girls begin to finish. Quickly, I scurry to the finish line. If I don't see Diana run in, at least I'll catch her when she's finish. Approaching the lane where runners make their last strides, by some imaginable coincidence, I see Diana running her last 300 meters.

"DIIANNAA, DIIIIAAANNNAAAAA, RUNNN!" I sound like a fire ambulance, but by the last stream of Diana’s, my voice resembles an old lady screaming for her life as if she were mauled by a wild cougar. But, I'm not an old lady screaming for her life or even a desperate photographer leaning in for the ideal shot. I'm a cross country runner. A cross country runner screaming and cheering until her voice runs dry for her teammates’ races. It doesn’t matter if I’m armed with a camera or not. Diana and Paula finish and our trio collapses into a sweaty post-race hug.

Presenting April!

2009-07-19T22:21:00.001-05:00

Presenting April!
Originally uploaded by lilxerica

I don't know why (maybe I do), but whenever I look at this picture, I just cannot not smile. Blast! It's the charm of April.

Just wanted to share and hopefully, make your night a little more cheerful.

'Til the next smiling or intriguing picture!

Berries

2009-07-12T02:13:00.001-05:00

Berries
Originally uploaded by lilxerica

Hello all!

Today, I spent hours trying to manage my photos and pictures on my old computer that I have now designated my "Photo Only" machine. I finally put up a fresh photo onto Flickr after how many weeks of waiting. I'm still trying to figure out how those cool rounded edges work (for some odd reason, they show up sometimes, but not always). Anyways in the future, I hope to keep this computer in tip-top shape and organized! Of all the pictures I take, food and people are my popular subjects. The berries above represent my occasional interest in snapping nature closely. Enjoy!

random writings: By the lake, a breeze greets her.

2009-07-01T16:52:00.002-05:00

Despite what her parent told her, she could not let go of the past. Of the past, one of the hardest things for her to forget was that summer. Unforgettable, that summer was; it was the needle in a hay sack of previous years that glimmered in the light, waiting to be found. With a new year of school ahead, Sara stepped out of the car onto the campus ground. Lifting her hand forward and above to the deep blue sky, she turned it as if offering something and drummed her fingers in midair--quite a silly sight--remembering how it felt to have her friend's hand in hers.

Sara never liked boats nor did she like the gusts of wind that the speed of the them formed as it ruined her carefully arranged hair while thrashing through the waters, but Jay always insisted that she needed "a keen feeling of nature to truly understand beauty." Pft! It was always said that beauty is in the eyes of its beholder and in Sara's eyes, beauty was her hair smooth and silky--untainted by montrous winds that would frizzle the ends.

Jay lightly patted the top of Sara's head and with a sympathetic sigh, continued to coax her onto the boat. When she finally relented, Sara rolled her eyes and lazily entered the vehicle. It was their last summer together anyways. When the motor began to sputter with excitement, Sara gripped tightly on the white leather seats, but after an hour, the only sounds that filled the air was the calmed humming of the boat and the calls of the seagulls gliding above. Once by the lake, a cool breeze greets her and brushes by gently; the air alleviating the stress of the fall and new year to come. Jay's hand gradually slips into hers and the rush of color and sense from the surroundings of the lake begin to soak in. Twisting her lips into a smile, Sara realizes what feeling Jay had tried to explain before.

Closing her eyes, the pull was too strong. Sara confirmed something deep down in her stain glass heart--fragile, yet resistant against the fire of opposition: she would never forget that summer.

blurb: flat effect

2009-05-22T00:25:00.004-05:00

Some days, we all have this looming cloud over us.
An ugly, bland Flat Effect.

-lilxerica

random quote- suffer to love

2009-05-13T23:23:00.004-05:00

“People have to really suffer before they can risk doing what they love.”

-Chuck Palahniuk

blurb- studying.

2009-05-11T22:49:00.007-05:00

Studying for psychology test-
but my mind isn't on the book, it's on life.

lame poetry: i'm an old car

2009-04-20T18:29:00.011-05:00

(Everyone needs a jump-start every now and then, right?)
-

I'm an old car.

Antique.

Treasure me. Trash me. Pawn me.

Repair.

Turn me
electric or solar.
Really, I don't care.

Make me, once again, useful
and so much more meaningful
than before. Grab the keys, kid.

Let's drive.

-lilxerica

thought: "eradicate this font" what?!

2009-04-19T22:33:00.004-05:00

Ban Comic Sans?

It's awful and silly!

I used to love Comic Sans in first grade (now, I've clearly moved on, but I can't dislike a font that's given me so much nostalgia). I was considered creative compared to the other kids in the class that used Arial and Times New Roman--I don't think they knew how to change the font (we used to use the brand new, shiny blue/red apple computers with floppy disks back then).

Silly, it is that there is a hate group against a font. It's like an over-played song on the radio--James Blunt said this about "You're Beautiful"--if you don't like the song, turn off the radio. Let it be the same with fonts: if you don't like the font printed, close your eyes or glare at it and suck it up. Lordie, people get riled up for most futile things nowadays. Can't we just channel such zeal and enthusiasm to more important topics, such as child abuse, genocide, and other worldly issues?

-lilxerica

essay: johari window

2009-04-16T01:38:00.004-05:00

Haha,
I guess I did finally do my psych essay.

No time to edit.
Ah, well. We'll take everything in steps.

The Johari Window:
Window to Becoming Aware of Oneself

The Johari Window is essentially a window to one’s awareness of oneself in terms of personality trait expression and serves as a useful tool in understanding how information is given and received in relationships. The model is basically, a rectangular figure divided into four distinct sections: the Arena/Open, the Blind Spot, the Façade, and the Unknown. In developing a Johari Window, peers of the subject are asked to select five or six personality traits from a set list that they believe best describe the target individual, whom already selected traits about him/herself. After several peers have evaluated the person, the window begins to take form.

The Arena/Open area describes the quadrant in which information is known about the individual under mutual terms between the public and him/herself. The Blind Spot represents the section where characteristics that are perceived by others are present, but not known by the subject. In the third quadrant, the façade dwells, where traits about the individual are avoided or hidden and not known by the public. Lastly, the Unknown contains information that remains inexistent and yet to be elicited.

Developed in the 1950’s by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, the Johari Window is appropriately named with the combination of the model’s creators (Joseph + Harry = JoHari) and remains a new contribution to the world of psychology and work. When viewing the grid, the method of benefiting from such heavily supports ideas of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Passing the bottom of the pyramid and going directly to the top of Maslow’s diagram, the Johari Window emphasizes on self-improvement and in Maslow’s case, self-actualization. In addition to the humanistic approach of becoming better people, the Johari Window may also be incorporated into Freud’s theories of the unconscious in respect to the Unknown area of the model. Freud also thought consciousness is like the tip of the iceberg with vast area containing our judgment, morals, and unconscious beneath. In a way, the Johari Window maps out the little details that can help reveal the iceberg or expand our sense of reality and act accordingly.

The goal of the model is to simply help people understand themselves and others; and through mutual understanding, optimize productivity within the working place. New teams begin with larger hidden and unknown areas with blind spots slowly forming from first impressions. Overtime, team members’ should be evoked by either self-discovery (bringing into the hidden), others’ observation (into the blind spot), or together as a team (into the arena). It is advised that a good team have a large Arena of openness and understanding in comparison of other quadrants. A large hidden area and blind spot signifies that members are distant.

In order to expand the Arena and minimize the other sections, feedback and self-disclosure is important in a group or environment. Feedback solicitation gives others a chance to express how they feel about an individual with open ears to listen and make changes. Self-disclosure is all about telling others about oneself in an effort to gain interest and information to bond.

Although the Johari Window provides a great method for evaluating the growth of closeness and openness within a team, such results render useless if members of a team or individuals are unwilling to act upon the newfound information of the model. More disadvantages of the window include the competence of those evaluating—for example, do participants know the difference between being knowledgeable versus intelligent? Of the provided list of fifty-five adjectives, how many may be perceived as synonyms of each other? Such items need to be taken into consideration.

Overall, some may view the Johari Window as a silly activity where individuals fish for compliments, and in that way, the model may be seen as a singularly appreciable exercise, but others may walk away with something more—the seed of motivation for their quests for self-actualization and improvement.

Lilxerica's Johari Window

Arena

(known to self and others)

complex, intelligent, observant, patient, reflective, self-assertive

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, accepting, adaptable, bold, calm, caring, cheerful, clever, confident, dependable, dignified, energetic, extroverted, friendly, giving, happy, helpful, idealistic, independent, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, modest, organised, relaxed, religious, sensible, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty

Façade

(known only to self)

Unknown

(known to nobody)

brave, ingenious, introverted, nervous, powerful, proud, quiet, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sentimental, shy, silly, spontaneous, tense

Dominant Traits

53% of people think that lilxerica is friendly
57% of people agree that lilxerica is intelligent

All Percentages

able (15%) accepting (23%) adaptable (7%) bold (3%) brave (0%) calm (15%) caring (19%) cheerful (11%) clever (3%) complex (3%) confident (11%) dependable (34%) dignified (3%) energetic (19%) extroverted (11%) friendly (53%) giving (3%) happy (11%) helpful (15%) idealistic (3%) independent (7%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (57%) introverted (0%) kind (15%) knowledgeable (23%) logical (15%) loving (7%) mature (38%) modest (11%) nervous (0%) observant (11%) organised (19%) patient (7%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflectiverelaxed (3%) religious (3%) (3%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (11%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (3%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (7%) tense (0%) trustworthy (26%) warm (7%) wise (7%) witty (3%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.4.2009, using data from 26 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view lilxerica's full data.

thoughts: not doing psych paper

2009-04-15T15:58:00.002-05:00

"That's what she said."
Words from yesterday.

I'm not doing my psychology paper tonight.

What is failure?

That seems extreme.

I'm not a failure.

I am just a poor person
with no sense of time management
with big ideas and dreams

and a lazy disposition.

This can get discouraging.
("But we've got to hold on to what we've got...")

Sometimes, I confuse myself
whether I am more optimistic or pessimistic.

-lilxerica

event: easter

2009-04-12T22:38:00.004-05:00

Happy Easter!

( Y )
( ._. ) +
c(")(") |

Truly, He is Risen.

He is Risen, indeed!

thought: lidocaine is cool.

2009-04-07T18:48:00.003-05:00

Two weeks ago, I went to the dentist and got numbed with some lidocaine.

Apparently, novacaine is no longer used due to a number of allergic reactions and remains simply a term to describe numbness (kind of like the mercury in thermometers deal). Upo

n getting numbed, a peculiar cognitive bubble seemed to float about with the excitement over a new sensation of being treated with an anesthetic. I thought it would be slightly entertaining to include my immediate thoughts on the situation below. (The quoted text was written two weeks ago, moments after the dentist appointment.)

Lidocaine is cool.
Today, I got a filling done on a cavity on the side of one of my molars and Dr. Finkle numbed the right side of my cheek. It took quite a while for the tingliness to change to heaviness, but this is how numbness really feels: like I got a fat lip. I try to grin and outcomes a wry smile. Much effort is needed to pull the tips of my mouth up. Effortless, my face is Abe Lincoln's--half smile, half indifference. My cheek feels soft and tender (haha, kind of like a baby's bottom) and the wetness of my bottom lip may oddly be compared to the sliminess of an uncooked piece of chicken thigh, the fatty part that we often pick with our finger and slice off. What an odd feeling this is as there is actually none (haha or the nerves rather)!

Lordie, I'm so weird.

Despite my fun, it took four hours for the numbness to fade away. When eating dinner, I took special precautions in chewing slowly to make sure I did not accidently chomp on the cheek. Ah, the food tasted so strangely that meal. Placing quiche into my mouth lacked true joy and the flavors could only be tasted by half of my tongue. I continued to eat and chew with the left side of my mouth--for it was not numbed-- with the discontent feeling of dull weight being plopped gently into the right cheek. Later, the tingling feeling returned. I marveled at how the numbness vanished and the true feeling of touch was finally restored.

-lilxerica

thought: nicholas hughes dead

2009-03-23T12:43:00.007-05:00

How depressing.
It was just announced yesterday, but happened last week:

Nicholas Hughes, son of Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath,
committed suicide and hanged himself
after battling depression.

It's such a shame. Apparently, he specialized in fish studies.

I especially like this picture of the family.

So happy.

Go here to learn more and be referred to other articles on this.

random video: guacamole!

2009-03-22T18:19:00.002-05:00

I just joined Vimeo in last week and since I'm not in a film-making mode quite yet, I've been exploring the site. So far, I have fallen in love with the quality that Vimeo takes pride in with HD video among the simple and sharp presentations of material. "Guacamole" is one of my favorites that I love showing people! By the end of the video, you'll have the tune stuck in your head. ;P

Guacamole from Si on Vimeo.

random quote: hunger's friend

2009-03-16T17:16:00.003-05:00

beef stew
Originally uploaded by lilxerica

“Hunger knows no friend
but its feeder.”
-Aristophanes

eyes that eat: the chick-fil-a sandwich

2009-03-11T16:22:00.003-05:00

the chick-fil-a sandwich
Originally uploaded by lilxerica

Eaten for the very first time a couple of weeks ago, the Chick-Fil-A sandwich is extraordinary and nothing like I've ever tasted in the category of chicken sandwiches. Under the expectation that the meal would be similar to that of McDonald's McChicken, I dug my teeth into the crispy meat and was taken by surprise. A burst of a subtle peppery flavor on tender chicken made me hunger for more. You know it's good when you see the tell-tale signs of stringy pieces of chicken from the remnants of a savory bite.
Rating: 4.2/5

-lilxerica

thought: going home

2009-03-09T22:01:00.007-05:00

"A little bit of this,
a little bit of that."

Many times, I had walked past the furneral home. Never had I stepped within. Yet there I was inside the doors. The dim lighting seemed to set the mood upon entrance, but lit up as I lifted my head and gazed forward.

An unusual sight it was; a small group of people sitting on chairs conversing while others chose to stand and chat. It became clearer to me that this was honoring a well lived life, rather than a somber passing. As my family and I walked towards the front of the room, a woman with a kind face and straight light blond hair approached us. "You must be the old neighbors," she said with a smile clear with appreciation, " she loved talking about your family."

Mrs. Duris looked the same to me. Her pale honey hair slightly thinner, but still the same curled around. Dressed in a calm florescent green outfit, she lied peacefully as if she was telling us a message with what she wore. The color green brings comfort. Of course, I'm not even sure whether she picked her clothes prior to her passing or those at the morgue did, but still, it was a sweet gesture of thought. Her hands were folded neatly with her aged fingers wrapped around a crucifix. There is no doubt that this wonderful woman is home.

At first, going over to her was difficult. I got this sort of empty feeling inside, knowing Mrs. Duris was not there in front of me, but just a body. I never lost anyone close to me, but when I listened to my mom's message about her earlier today, it made my stomach flip and heart sink. Once it all came down on me, the memories of her rush forward and reminscence flooded the mind. As the official babysitter of my youth, she holds a special place as a person who never thought of herself, only others. According to my mom, Mrs. Duris was the kind of person who never refused to comply when a favor was asked. Just last week, I wondered where she was and encouraged my mom to call her. She said it was peculiar how this last Christmas, Mrs. Duris didn't send us her usual annual holiday card. While I wondered this, Mrs. Duris was already resting peacefully in her sleep and onward to above.

Later after warm conversations, I felt much better. It was apparent through the stories of loved ones that Mrs. Duris had a wonderfully complete life, yet here I was crying with a wry smile of rememberance of all the good things she did.

I don't have a sophisticated way to say this, but I'm sad at the fact that I will never get to see Grandma Margaret again in this life. The last time I saw her was about five years ago at my baptism and the next will be someday when I too go home. When that time comes, we'll watch Michelle Kwan re-runs, snack on her homemade cookies, play scrabble on the computer, and skip across the floors of heaven.

In heaven, I promise not to be a picky eater.

Although I am most certain you will;

Rest in Peace
Margaret M. Duris
(1921-2009)

news: perplexed, man shoots another...

2009-03-08T21:40:00.005-05:00

If you have time to read, take a look at this article: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090309/ap_on_re_us/church_shooting

I'm pretty sure at one point today, you have heard something on the radio...

I felt compelled to write to my pastor on this issue.

Dear Pastor Paul,

I'm sure you've heard about it as well, but as we
were driving home from church. The radio announced of a recent story occurring
today where a Maryville pastor was shot at 8am during his sermon.

This is very disturbing news and sometimes it
makes people wonder: "Wow, not even church is safe anymore."

I know upon hearing this news is already implied,
but I'm sure many have a prayer request to look out for those at that church as
well as the suspect.

In a Yahoo News article about this, another
pastor at the church explained that he was puzzled and had no idea what the
suspect's motives were. What motivates a man to shoot another, especially
the pastor while giving a sermon, during church? As I
wonder perplexed, here's the article I read: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090309/ap_on_re_us/church_shooting

God Bless

Yet again, another article has come to support the idea that man is evil or rather, simply ignorant. I'm trying to imagine what the scene must have been like. Those sitting in the pews were confused at the sight with the burst of confetti from the shot and thought such a spectacle was merely a skit. What horror to realize it was naught!

I can only sympathize.
My mind, today and tomorrow, will be on this sad incident.

Oh, the motives of man...

-lilxerica

quote: evil & happiness

2009-03-03T21:40:00.004-06:00

"No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks."

- Mary Wollstonecraft

eyes that eat: the coconut shrimp

2009-03-02T14:56:00.001-06:00

the coconut shrimp
Originally uploaded by lilxerica

Described as "creamy" by Lucy Jung who thought the dish was exceptionally well done considering she generally did not agree with the coconut flavor, added that she "couldn't taste the coconut flavor." Whether this subtle coconut flavor is suitable for your taste buds, the dish was wonderful in terms of the larger crispy pieces of fried and battered shrimp tackled with the freshness of the lettuce beneath. Although the mayonnaise mixture on top proved to be sweet and increasingly delicious, personally, I'd prefer a little less poured over and more a drizzle with more sauce to the side. Nevertheless, and putting my health tip to the side, the coconut shrimp dish from Cravings brought "a taste of home" for my brother and I coming from Chinese roots. Highly recommended!

Rating: 3.5/5

-lilxerica

Flickr

2009-03-02T14:27:00.002-06:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

It's pretty convienent how I can directly link blogger and flickr together!

shirt: if only they had a different color...

2009-02-25T19:41:00.003-06:00

I really like today's shirt on shirt.woot.com!
It's called "Camera Eyes."

The only downside is that it's in cream and that doesn't suit well with me. :(
Otherwise, I'd definitely order the shirt!

-lilxerica

thought/poetry: walking to the library

2009-02-18T22:26:00.002-06:00

A walk through the gloom and gray tends to give time for the sealing of thoughts and perception of the new. Sensitivity heightens and our surroundings, we become aware. Walk, walk--a brand new story is born, but often lies unrecorded, lacking paper.

Mental processes: Walking to library.

Forgot hat, but decides not to go back.

Snow begins to fall lightly. Ear phones snug in ear.

Volume up, cars begin to hum.

Gust of wind, sparkles fly daintly through the air.

Stare at the houses. Magnetic glares, still time; axis.

Only the thin sheets of white tissue paper slide by.

Step 1, Step 2, Step 3. A large crack. Beneath the surface, what is seen?

Not solid nor soil, but a deep darkness; no ground.

Wonder to what degree is our stability?

Where the sidewalk ends...

It's like a photographic, artistic film.

Music beams.

Expression shows.

Noises blend into nothing.

It's beauty.

Fragments sewn together,

Another nice day.

-lilxerica

shout-out: birthdays!

2009-02-12T22:53:00.002-06:00

Well, this is an interesting year for celebrating historic figures' birthdays.

Happy 200th Birthday
to Abraham Lincoln!

and...

Happy 200th Birthday
to Charles Darwin!

It's kind of odd to think that these two were born on the same day and year, existing at the same time!

(Oh yeah, yesterday was the 46th anniversary of Sylvia Plath's death.)

-lilxerica

thought: is the color red intimidating?

2009-02-09T23:19:00.003-06:00

Is the color red intimidating?

According to the University of British Columbia’s research on color concerning the effects of red and blue on task work, red may be sometimes approached as a bit intimidating, superior, and with great caution. The article supporting this explains that the university had recently conducted a study with more than 600 participants about color. Subjects were asked to perform specified tasks under the condition of having a blue or red desktop background as well as tasks involving working with the actual color. Overall, those working with a red background performed “31 percent better at tasks like proofreading…which require attention to detail.”

Although significant results and differences were apparent in this particular studying involving red and blue, the experiment lacked a control group to make results comparable to the norm. In addition to this possible gap, the article did not specify where the sample population was taken from to be representative of which group of people. Certain groups of people may possibly be bias towards or less affected by a color, such as perhaps, those conditioned from a background of seeing the color red regularly would be “immune” to the effects of the particular hue. However, despite these minor discrepancies, I do believe that color effects how people perceive life and our surroundings.

Red may be perceived as intimidating and generally may seem so; however, depending on the context, the color may send off a different message. An article by David Johnson of Information Please asks the question whether different colors affect one’s mood.

The most emotionally intense color, red stimulates a faster heartbeat and
breathing. It is also the color of love. Red clothing gets noticed and makes the
wearer appear heavier…In decorating, red is usually used as an accent.
Decorators say that red furniture should be perfect since it will attract
attention.

Johnson forgets to add that the color red also stimulates appetite. In the fast food industry, companies often sport bright red logos, such as McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, and many other places to attract customers and sway them to buying their products. Even restaurants that do not have the bold red logos find ways to use color psychology to their advantage. Walking past the green and yellow logo of Subway, customers will find themselves in a lovely dining area with beautiful, alluring wallpaper displaying the freshness of fruits and vegetables the restaurant has to offer—of course, including a blown up photo of the deep rich fullness of red tomatoes.

Another article in connection to the University of Rochester, points out that “the color red attracts men to women.” Studies focused on males’ responses to different photographs of women in different settings and presentations. In one part of the study, men were asked to rate the attractiveness of a women framed by a red border opposed to a white or blue border. The other study went deeper into showing test subjects women with different colored shirts and asking them dating related questions. To establish some control, colors used in each study were “precisely equated in saturation and brightness levels” to avoid any other factors that could influence the outcome. At the end of the study, “the women shown framed by or wearing red were rated significantly more attractive and sexually desirable by men.”

Referring back to Johnson, “red clothing gets noticed and makes the wearer appear heavier.” If the color red makes the wearer appear heavier, then why are men selecting the women wearing the weight-adding color? It is possible that the color red may be linked to our biological roots with a more primitive nature to this phenomenon. In the past, it was traditional for the man to hunt and the woman to bear children. Ancient civilizations have praised the full figure of the female with goddesses and deities possessing a voluptuous body unlike today’s ideal image of a thin and delicate woman. “In decorating, red is usually used as an accent. Decorators say that red furniture should be perfect since it will attract attention.” Women are not furniture, but the color red not only empowers them to stimulate the appetites of men and give sign of fertility, but also allows them to have an unspeakable intensity men cannot describe through the mask of attraction. ♥

*Sorry, I did not include a bibliography. One will come soon so that sources will be cited correctly.

-lilxerica

another goal: pinhole camera

2009-02-03T18:06:00.003-06:00

Inspired by one of my friends' old and taped- vintage cameras (literally uses seven pieces of tape), I feel the need to try something new. Today we have the sharp and clear feel of the digital camera, but it's funny how photos taken long before this digital age send a somewhat stronger image in terms of revealing to us the artistic take on photography. Vintage cameras provide a misty and nostalgic picture full of wonder and perception. With this, I want to make my own pinhole camera out of household materials and create something just as majestic. Pinhole cameras, however, need a ton of light and with news that the groundhog saw his shadow, spring's sunshine will be more months away. Instructables, once again provides a great "how-to." Try to out. but it's a spring project for me!

How To Make A Pinhole Camera - More DIY How To Projects

-lilxerica

new goal: to make amazing noodles.

2009-01-28T23:10:00.004-06:00

Gong chow nao haw... mmm nice and fresh. Daddy-made.

Ultimate (well, close enough to such) Goal:

Make these amazing noodles!
(saying the actual name will be a goal for next year...)

I made something like them recently. It didn't turn out very well (bad judgment concerning meat cooking time, neglect of stirring noodles, silly silly silliness in the kitchen), but I suppose it wasn't bad for the first time with true stir-fry. In the future, I will set myself right next to the stove and watch with observant eyes what my daddy is doing to make those magically glossy and flavorful noodles. I just gotta make sure to keep the grease from flying into my face. :P

-lilxerica

thought: path

2009-01-26T17:07:00.002-06:00

My heart sings for english and the arts of freedom and motion,
but my mind tugs at the corners of science and the firm grip it holds on the world.

What do I choose?

-lilxerica

video: something classic

2009-01-14T23:01:00.002-06:00

Ahh... indulge yourself with the evolution of dance. Classic stuff.
(I think the second one just came out. Obviously not as good as the first haha.)

random quote: thinking vs action to overcome

2009-01-12T21:36:00.001-06:00

“Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.”

- W. Clement Stone

goodreads

2009-01-11T16:50:00.002-06:00

Got my GoodReads profile today.
Check it out (side)--->

I spent a couple hours adding books and stuff like that to it.
Still have more to go too. Woohoo.
Where has the time gone...

-lilxerica

challenge: book-keeping

2009-01-10T16:47:00.003-06:00

Years ago, I kept a summer reading chart and recorded all the books I had read. When the year started, this record became lost. Now whenever, I go to the book store and see a familiar book, I have trouble confirming whether I read the book or not. I'm trying to build my own library in my room and it's getting there. This year I want to challenge myself by recording every completed and significant book read.

With that, each time I finish a book, I will either update this entry or create a side bar of documentation.

Here's a list that's HUGE!

I hope I keep this up!

-lilxerica

thought: numbness

2009-01-05T23:50:00.006-06:00

I was just digging around my old stuff, I bothered not to post--but this time I'll give it a shot. Besides, it's last year's stuff anyways ;P

(It's not quite poetry or anything. I have no intentions to write such. It is more so odd conversations of the blunt honest mind.)

Written October 23, 2008

I think I am numb.
Not physically, but mentally.
Small insignificant things do not move me, and sadly, nor do the important.
Frightening moments, unpaid, accumulating library fines, and failing grades.
All whisk by. Only to make me regret not worrying and taking action later on.

Perhaps, I am just tired.
No, this time not mentally.
I still feel that I am able to think... maybe too deeply.
I am tired, literally in the sense that my body yearns for the quiet, soothing calm of sleep.
Over the years, I have tested my limits. Seeing some in sight, I am wary of them and afraid of the deafening effort needed to pull through. Sometimes, I wish I could sleep and the world would stop.
Time would cease for the increment of rest. Like a long blink of the eye, in slow motion.
Once awoken, life would resume as usual; seemingly restless and disparate, but intriguing.

There exists one way out.
The only method to liberate myself from this fatigue and numbness is simply to be happy.
Try and maybe one may succeed. Emotions will fill my being.
I am active. I am free.
The key is to be HAPPY.

-lilxerica

random quote: dreaming and living

2009-01-04T18:47:00.006-06:00

"Dream as if you'll live forever,
live as if you'll die today."
-James Dean

random things: cool usb flash drives

2009-01-02T18:47:00.007-06:00

Usb flash drives are amazing!

They can transport files with ease (although the emailing method is easy too).
You can carry games, software, and other documents.
Boom! Floppies are long dead.
Usb flashies come in many different designs!

I love usb flash drives and how companies and people go about making the device so handy.

Here are pictures of some homemade models and cool designs:

(The Instructables ones are really nifty and look pretty awesome.

Sadly, I haven't really had the time to make any of them...)

2009

2009-01-01T02:31:00.003-06:00

Wow~!
(I don't know how many times, I've started a post with that, haha.)

It's been more than a year since I started this blog. Sadly, I must confess that I have not been routinely staying true to the monthly quota; however, Blogger itself, has grown wonderful in allowing users to place all sorts of new "gadgets" (as they call them) to convey their message in multiple ways instead of being limited to words. I'm going to breeze through what I have moved from this year:

Images
Connection to Flickr
Side Links
Blogger's Video
Youtube Embedding
Imeem Embedding
Automatic Search by Google
Lists
Embedding Forms

Overall, I'm pleased with where the blogspot is standing (although, I wish I could post more). I check it every now and then to add new weird stuff so it's nice that it hasn't turned into a "ghost town" blog like my DeviantArt, Bebo, and WordPress accounts.

Everything ties together well and it gives me great pleasure to look back on the previous year of posts. This experience is just the same as my love of photography and my annoying presence at the dinner table, other events, and vacations of all sorts, taking pictures of everything, dead or alive.

Over the last couple of months, I've noticed that I have been flipping through the plastic pages of my family's photo albums where the cameras ran on film. Each time, I find myself cooing at the baby-selves of my siblings. I can't wait that in the coming years, I'll be laughing at my stupid mistakes and judgments due to my prefrontal dysfunction as a teenager, when I grow older.

To reminsce and reflect are activities that never cease within my mind and continue each moment, sleep or awake.

This year, I want amazing things to happen. For each remarkable instance, I wish to capture it, whether through picture, word, or simply, the memory.

Let's make 2009 a year to remember!

with great eagerness,
-lilxerica

Snip Snap

2009-01-01T02:28:00.001-06:00

The world is huge and rather strong;

we all know this, but everything must have a bending, tipping, snapping, breaking point.

When will it happen
and what can the people standing around do to prolong the wait for this major paroxysm?

What measures would you take to save the world from ourselves?

Will it begin with

a touch
a word
a picture
a photo?

Or rather

a poem
a song
a lyric

or a simple stanza?

-lilxerica

video: children see, children do

2008-11-19T00:38:00.000-06:00

This video is absolutely moving. A great point!

video: one semester of spanish, love song

2008-11-06T23:22:00.003-06:00

For all those spanish students out there!

-lilxerica

influence

2008-11-06T23:13:00.003-06:00

My thoughts, actions, opinions, and state of mind are influenced by what I see and read, and are apparent in what I say, do, or write.

Post- election thoughts

2008-11-05T20:14:00.002-06:00

Hey there!

Hmm much has happened between now and before. The fall equinox has approached and the end of daylight savings time has commenced with the turning back of our clocks one hour. Joyous moment in my mind as with the right line of thinking, this means one more hour of sleep. I always like to not turn back my clocks to "trick" myself. Sometimes it does work! Anyways, I feel a bit more energized than I normally do, which is a pleasant plus. As for issues to speak of, I am pleased and very proud to have lived to see America elect her first African American President, Barack Obama. For twenty-two months, my heart goes out to all the children of the candidates and I often wonder how they must be feeling as their parents are out on the move with great motivation to create change for theirs and our future.

Concerning, Barack's postion in the beginning stages, I was a bit skeptical. I held this pestimissism that as the democrats battled for their nomination, the republics differed in the way that John McCain breezed through to his spot as presidential cadidate. At one point with much reluctance, I thought that McCain being the most "normal" and "typical", would win. Many questions laid in my mind last year: "Is America ready to accept a black president into office? Is America ready for change? If it is, is Obama truly ready and suitable to lead?"

When I saw so much corruption in politics and in the government's ways, my answer to these questions were mainly No and perhaps, a few maybes to open up a chance to release skepticism in the coming months. This is how I felt, until the tide started to steadily rise. Stained by the media, I was convinced that Hilary was too much of a woman that wore a plastic mask of smiles under her desire to perfect and execute. Near defeat, she remained determined to continue her run with her funds and began to swirl insults to Obama. When Obama went through and became the top candidate for the democratic party, the claws sunk back in and Hilary seemed like she was trying her best to put on a even brighter mask to please her former rival in hopes to be chosen as his vice presidential running mate. Yet, these hopes were crushed once Obama announced his selection as Joe Biden, a white older male to complement Obama's composition. This choice allowed voters to be reassured that someone with a great amount of experience would be behind and support the president.

A poll once said that about 34% of Hilary's supporters would sway towards McCain if she was not chosen. In a deep attempt to draw the women voters left from Hilary, McCain surprises all at the republican convention with his choice for vice president, Mrs. Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska and experienced mother of five children.

Hah! This very woman in my belief, led McCain to his defeat. I've often thought that soon the rush will come where writers will swoom into get their books titled, The Palin Impact or The Problem with Palin and so forth. The hockey mom with a hot determination to succeed as a politician drew many in with her fiery passion to work for the people, but this bulldog with lipstick couldn't fool everyone. Mother of five... one daughter at seventeen, pregnant. Another darling one of seven years holds her dear brother of something months born with a disability. With her own pregnancy, Palin hid hers until the eighth month and delivered her son right after a speech where her water broke. She never told her children beforehand that their brother had Downs Syndrome, which is quite unfortunate. With all these facts coming in, it grew some doubt whether she was qualified. Palin loves her family dearly, and they definitely need her. Alaska may be massive compared to much of the United States, but concerning people, it's a land of barren to Chicago.

The drama grew more, when Katie Couric's interview came out with Palin. I watched the SNL version first (in which, Tina Fey is phenomenal! On foreign policy: "I can see Russia from my house!"). Then I proceeded to watch the actual interview. Whew! ... Reality just struck me there. I thought SNL completely overexaggerated the scene at first, but man, Palin was so scrambled. When asked a question she did not know, she begins to stutter and goes forth to refer back to her candidate, as if a daughter seeking her father's hand not sure what to do. After that, she attempts to answer by speaking in fragments without answering the original question and then realizing how foolish she appears, she goes about to say that she'll research more... Throughout the footage seen, it was apparent that Palin was unprepared and her pulse was racing with alarm. In response, the majority of the public begins to worry and label Palin as unfit while, fellow republicans claim in denial that Couric and the rest of the media is just picking on her.

Later on, I was sure that Palin was over when I read in "TimesWeek" that Palin had thought that the Vice President ran the Senate. Any seventh grader could have told her otherwise.

Because of the Palin choice, many strongly raised republicans had pressed the blue button for this election (this year Texas seemed split pretty well while usually they are strongly republican!). A firm belief stands that perhaps it was really Palin's fault. Hilary may have worn a mask, but at least she was well educated and qualified. If McCain were to die in office abruptly, I would be very very afraid to have Sarah Palin as president (Matt Damon would agree! I've had some people say that if they were a foreign country with out collapsing government with Palin in charge, they would take over).

On the other hand, Biden actually touched me a bit during his debate with Palin when he choked up a bit. He talked about knowing how it feels like to struggle especially when he was once a single father raising two sons after his first wife died. For a man with such a tongue like him to have gone though that, showed us great compassion, care, and strength. I used to think that if Barack has chosen Hilary after McCain chose Palin, they would make it in the hope that the American people would not look at sex and race, but on the importance of issues like the economy (both candidates during the race called Clinton for advice). If he chose Hilary before McCain's choice, McCain would obviously have chosen a Male running mate. Though it all, I have to say, if Palin had not been involved, I don't think I would have keep this many tabs on this historic election.

By now, I've sat here for quite a while now. Watching tv last night, was so moving. Even in my home, I felt like a part of what was happening. Like the tragic events of 9/11 and Katrina, I know I have witnessed them and now I have witnessed this; something hopeful for all. I cannot go on and say that yes, this is the most positive stepping stone of American history quite yet as there is so much more to come. Obama's victory speech was spoken with what is described as grim determination. It'll be tough and scary, but after four years, we shall see where we as a country stand and evaluate the progress.

Obama's quote yesterday really stuck out to me: "There are not red states in American, there are not blue states in American, there is only The United States of America". With this, no matter whether you are Republican or a Democrat, let us agree that this is history! Martin Luther King said many years ago, "We shall overcome!" in his famous speech and like call and response, Obama and his supporters chant back, "Yes, We Can."

-lilxerica

older poetry: golden loom

2008-09-22T01:16:00.001-05:00

GOLDEN LOOM
threads fall across the structure
weave on by
precious memories sewn
into the indents of my mind
the loom holds tight
through the battle of time
but breaks after a single thread
is removed from the wood
and stands alone
without the others
it is nothing
but taking the crystalline needle
it is sewn back in
into the golden loom
and reuniting with the others
in unison.

(-1.30.08)

-lilxerica

blurb: cabs/taxis

2008-09-21T23:10:00.002-05:00

Just took my first cab yesterday.

I was really hesitant at first since I watch too much TV where passengers are always kidnapped and stuff like that. Since this particular company paid by the meter, it was super expensive. It was $2 per mile and whenever we stopped, it still felt like it just kept ticking... By the end of the ride, I can say that a lot of taxi drivers are just plain creepy and are making a lot of money too.

NEVER AGAIN WILL I RIDE A TAXI IN THE NEAR FUTURE
(if I don't want to go broke. end of story)!

-lilxerica

Sorry!

2008-09-14T21:20:00.003-05:00

Rawr!

Sorry for not posting in a while.
Sadly due to so much work, I'm not sure I'll be meeting my posting quota for each month;
however, my thoughts keep going and will return soon once everything's settled.
Check out my Flickr for picture updates!
They'll always keep coming!

Love,
-lilxerica

interesting: daemon

2008-08-30T21:16:00.006-05:00

random quote: creativity and art

2008-08-27T23:13:00.002-05:00

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.

Art is knowing which ones to keep.”

-Scott Adams

Game: Patapon!

2008-08-19T22:51:00.003-05:00

PATA - PATA - PATA - PON!

From the people who made Loco Roco comes PATAPON! A must-have for the PSP at only $20, nothing can go wrong! The game play in this particular game is original and one of a kind while you the gamer play as the god of the little creatures called the patapons. Your goal is to lead them to glory with the use of a magical drum in which you keep track of their rhythm through a call/response system. I played this game for a while and its pretty tough to follow, but oh so very addicting!

-lilxerica

random quote: wanting

2008-08-19T22:41:00.005-05:00

"We fear the thing
we want the most."

Random: HELLO HAREEM!

2008-08-03T22:06:00.002-05:00

Okay, so this post is dedicated to umm... Hareem!
Please continue to read all my very odd posts. :D

Game: Loco Roco

2008-08-03T21:57:00.002-05:00

Hello!

Welcome August!

Below, I've thought to mention a pretty unique game for the PSP. I personally, don't own one nor have I actually played the cute-looking game, but have thought it appropiate to give you a peek and recommend this intiguing people-friendly game. It's pretty old as it has been out on the market for quite a while, but the happiness it spreads lives on. It's pretty random really with a bunch of blobs rolling around the place to make bigger blobs. So addicting to watch, and the music is just obnoxious! Gotta Love Weird Japanese Games... ;)

-lilxerica

thought: the state of humanity during the holocaust

2008-07-23T23:45:00.003-05:00

The Highlight of Human Emotion During Tragedy

The best and worst of people usually emerge during times of grief, desperation, and sadness. Many may wonder as to why such extremes are not expressed during the light-hearted and joyous moments of life. It is simply because, during those times of pleasure, one emotion is emitted by all or rather a façade is put up to simulate such elatedness, while dismissing the unhappy works that threaten the laughter and excitement. Tragedy however, as awful as it seems, gives opportunity for all to display a range of emotions from hate to even compassion or sympathy. One such example would be that of the Holocaust occurring prior to and during World War II.

Sickening and cruel events happened during the Holocaust involving Jews, gypsies, and peoples of difference ironically all alike, being mindlessly slaughtered without any consideration that those individuals were most positively human too. Perhaps many may argue that those men, the Nazis were not at all human for their unforgivable actions, but some must fathom that yes, indeed that those in that political group were very much human showing sadly the worst in humanity. Dr. Josef Mengele, also known as the “Angel of Death”, was a member of the Nazi party and served as chief provider of the gas chambers located at the death camp of Auschwitz. While not directing the traffic and ushering lines of women and children to their deaths, he spent a lot of his time performing repulsive experiments dealing with twins, genetics and basically testing the limits of “science” with nature. He would forcefully drop foreign chemicals into the eyes of men with the intention of changing eye color, but instead inflict burning pain to his victims. In addition to the nauseating acts of Mengele, it is said that the worst that one may do during difficult times is simply and painfully, nothing. Over six million were slaughtered in the plain sight of the world. Only the world could have sadly allowed this at the time.

On the contrary, the brighter side of the picture is that many did not plainly stand and do “nothing.” During the Holocaust, it has been recorded that many individuals had made the choice to rise up and fight back against anti-Semitism and hatred by either joining a rebellion or subtly and surreptitiously allowing Jews and people of difference to hide within their homes. Irene Sendler worked as a Polish social worker during the Holocaust and “helped save some 2,500 Jewish children from the Nazis by smuggling them out of the Warsaw Ghetto and giving them false identities” (Associated Press). Although, Sendler had given the Jewish children false names and passed them as Catholics, she took great care into writing the original birth-given names of each child in hope to reunite them with their families after the war. One child who was saved by Sendler wrote, "Mrs. Sendler saved not only us, but also our children and grandchildren and the generations to come." Sendler, who died recently almost three months ago at 98 displayed the good of humanity at its peak saving thousands of lives and with time, the numbers keep growing.

Altogether, through the horrific events of one of the most devastating periods of history, there was a definite existence of evil intentions yet simultaneously the presence of the underlying goodness of the merciful. The Holocaust is taught today, teaching lessons around the world to realize the terror, yet sensitive heart of humanity. ♫

-lilxerica

thought: some sad, but funny pics?

2008-07-09T22:37:00.003-05:00

A cow, a chick, and an orange.

Yeah, so today I was browsing around the internet and I came across three pictures that pertain to the usage of animals (or fruit in the orange's case) to create beneficial human products like our food. I showed all three to my mom, and in turn, she though only one of them was just gosh awful sad. It happens to be the tiny cow one... Hmm I wonder why, because isn't the chick an animal too? Why particularly the cow? Maybe it's because the cow depicted in the picture looks so cute, that it breaks your heart to see it cry...

(Of all of them though, she loved the chicken one haha.)

-lilxerica

thought: taste of chicago

2008-07-06T00:26:00.006-05:00

TASTE OF CHICAGO TODAY
JULY 5th

Whew! What a busy day today. This morning (which would be yesterday morning I suppose), my family and I took the train down to Chicago to the crazy food fest. All week I had been super anxious to go with my sister and dad. It's always a thrill to see what's new especially it's been a long time since the last time I went years ago. Armed with my camera and pleased with the sunny skies, we arrive. At the Taste, so many stalls of all kinds of food were available for hungry people to trade in tickets to munch on each rare delicacy ranging from sauteed goat, bits of shark to the infamous turkey leg. There's so much to say and tell about my experience, but I'm incredibly tired at the moment, but I'll give you a sneak peek at some pics of that ever-so-tempting food:

Watch out for an update sometime!
(Again, eventually those yummy pics will go onto flickr...)

-lilxerica

event: update of fireworks

2008-07-05T00:02:00.007-05:00

Hey all! This is just an update of the Fourth of July festivities. At noon, I marched in the community parade as well as watched a portion of it with a volunteer group I'm a part of. It was pretty exciting with the turn out of so many people stationed in lawn chairs down the street curbs. Later for lunch, we went out to the local pizzeria and feast on a warm bunch of slices. At home, I was increasingly pleased to find my dad's beautiful chicken satay waiting for me to snack on. I chilled for a while to rest up those drained feet, called up a friend and relaxed for a bit. At night, my family and I went out to see the fantastic works of fire (that's fireworks guys). I set out a light and cheap tripod to get some pics of the blasts. I think it was pretty successful. Later this week, I'll be posting some of them onto my flickr, but now you can just gaze deeply into the one of the previous post and this one or amuse yourself with some of the videos I took (horrible grainy quality, but it works! after all, it is a digital camera meant for pictures). Enjoy!

-lilxerica

event: independence day!

2008-07-04T23:55:00.004-05:00

hey for all the proud americans:

Happy Independence Day!

have an amazing forth
cheer the parades
munch on barbecue
and most of all remember
catch those fireworks wherever you are!

-lilxerica

random quote: proverbs

2008-06-30T14:34:00.003-05:00

“A hope deferred makes the heart sick,

a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

-Proverbs 13:12

thought: descent of humanity

2008-06-26T17:33:00.002-05:00

Questioning our ultimate future.

As years go by, could it be that we are ravishingly taking a sweet lush bite of the forbidden fruit? That like Adam and Eve, we are extracting knowledge beyond power we are capable of harnessing? But if we are like the former residents of Eden, where is our own garden of majesty and perfection to regret for?

With the rise of knowledge, our own ignorance and innocence is at a decline; therefore at the world's eventual end, who else do we have to blame but ourselves?

Flourish and fall, like the once grand empire of Rome, I wonder with a heavy heart;
what is our outcome to be?

-lilxerica

video to share: im your's

2008-06-25T17:43:00.003-05:00

Thought I'd want to share this particular video. It's a music video showing two people that run their life in the same way, and eventually as fate has it, they meet. It was made by the couple's friend and presented to them on their wedding day. Very cute!

poetry: bud

2008-06-23T21:45:00.001-05:00

One blooms.
The others watch,
waiting to soon break out of the bud
and come to life with blossom.

-lilxerica

random quote: live. and live well.

2008-06-19T13:17:00.002-05:00

" Live. And Live Well.

BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply.

Be PRESENT. Do
not be past. Do not be future. Be now.

On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day,
roll down the windows and

FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of
the sun.

If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to

FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.

Get knee-deep in a novel
and LOSE track of time.

If you bike, pedal HARDER and if you crash then crash
well.

Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done-a paper well-written, a project
thoroughly completed, a play well-performed.

If you must wipe the snot from your
3-year old's nose, don't be disgusted if the Kleenex didn't catch it all

because soon he'll be wiping his own.

If you've recently experienced loss, then
GRIEVE. And Grieve well.

At the table with friends and family, LAUGH.

If you're
eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke.

And if you eat, then SMELL.

The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on
the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven.

And TASTE.

Taste every ounce of flavor.

Taste every ounce of friendship.

Taste every ounce of Life.

Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift."

- Kyle Lake, "Sermon"

thought: what if stop signs were blue?

2008-06-01T18:05:00.004-05:00

What if stop signs were BLUE?

Then I'm sure car accident death rates would soar even higher...

event: memorial day

2008-05-26T21:16:00.005-05:00

Memorial Day

Remember the willpower

strength and perseverence
some went through

Remember the struggle

fight strain and pain
some endured

Remember the skill

strategy and intelligence
some held

Remember the quiet

hopeful wait
some were forced to feel

Remember their acts of heroism

passion and longing
some had

Remember the price

in which we pay for
the battles won
and battles lost

Remember the tears

of joy and sadness

that poured down those cheeks

in search of a tint or maybe a pint more of a filling of
hope.

Remember the lost.

Think of the Forgotten.

Reminsce the Rememberance.

-lilxerica

assignment: NEANDERTHRAL MAN

2008-05-19T22:19:00.002-05:00

A Day In The Life of A Neanderthal

The sun’s rays seethe into our cave to tell the story of a new day. Lashing her whip of light she tugs onto my leg and pulls me awake from my slumber. Groaning in a language indistinguishable even to my companions, I reluctantly pull myself from the deep stone beneath me that has steadily begun to warm up at morning’s sight. As I step toward the ground beyond the shelter, a cold breeze rushes in and brushes against my own shoulder. I do not shiver. The cold is something my people have grown accustomed to in our tribe.

It’s not a very large group at all. There have been rumors of the existence of others just like us, but somehow different in a peculiar way; more flawed and weak compared to our massive and strong build of perfection. I pity them, yet myself at the same time. I’ve known the men I stand with for all my life, but still an unsettling spark of curiosity surges through my veins in search of an escape or refuge for paradise from this loathsome and lonely isolation I’m selfish to feel. What lies beyond the mellow line cast by the milky sun during sunset? I can neither express myself nor cry out in anguish to my people. They would never understand, yet I must follow what has been set before me. I close my eyes and sigh as wisps of more air pass through the nape of my neck luring me out of the dark.

By now, the others have awoken as well and now cluster close together. Normally, we would have all gone out to the wilderness to hunt, but someone has passed, a young male while wrestling a beast. It is a great shame. I look up above, shielding my eyes from the sun and see a flock of feathered birds flapping their wings in unison, almost as if they are beckoning me to pierce them with stone into their very hearts. I shake off this fantasy and see that already women have begun to gather tiny flowers from nearby bushes, while the men start to dig with ambition for a deep trench. Minutes pass as I stand back and watch as the ground begins to melt away. Blinking once more, I hurry along to join them tossing dirt around incoherently across the surrounding surface.

Hours later, we manage to utilize our stone tools, each handcrafted well and begin our hunt. Finally once the stars have emerged, it is pronounced night. The deceased has been put to rest with small yellow petals and flowers adorning the burial site. I am pleased. The soft consistent breeze continues. Children play music from bones flutes, handcrafted the same as the stone from their fathers and dance around the fire spluttering noises I do not know. The sound is soothing to my ears, while the atmosphere remains calm. I roast my prize bird in peace, plucking the feathers off my weapon and wiping it clean. Women present other plants as well to accompany the bird. Content as I am, there exists still that yearning for something more. An expression perhaps that remains undiscovered. ◊

random quote: shadows

2008-05-15T23:33:00.002-05:00

"Never fear
shadows.

They simply mean
there is a light shining
somewhere nearby."

thought: trip to forest preserve

2008-05-14T19:59:00.004-05:00

Today, we went to a local forest preserve in attempt to test the water quality of the streams, and photograph various types of creatures in biology class. Overall, beside some mishaps that occurred here and there with crazy hippies exuberant and hyper to return to the wild (well actually only one), the trip was a success. I was able to snag pretty decent shots of tiny macro organisms that I never knew that was there within the soil I stood on.

The pluses of today:

Got more pictures of different species, including:

various arthropods

Earth worm
some sort of fly
slug/snail creature
crawfish

new strange fungi

orange poisonous-looking one
big flappy fungus
many other weird looking varieties growing on the trees

portraits (well, not really different species...)

with very pretty natural lighting!

it didn't rain
I wore my hiking boots that protected me much more than any pair of gym shoes could from the mud.
the forest preserve seemed much nicer than others

opener area
enables one to get a feel for nature
relaxing
vibrant in color

stressed to be observant
ate lunch in a comfortable place by the stream
had a korean wing
adventurous
saw a deer and raccoon from a distance
found a quarter on the floor
kicked up a crawfish in the stream that was preggers and was laying black little eggs on my hand (but it crawled off and plopped back into the water)

The laughing tears of today:

field trip = more work to do later on
MUD, gets everything dirty and sucks feet up

when you pick up feet, makes slurrgyy sound

attempted to cross stream with one arm while on a log (with boots slippery by the way)

clipboard with papers and friend's binder falls into water

clipboard face down, binder...floating

got into water with useless weighters

water caved in
socks got slogggy

left cell phone in pocket while in water

still works, which is good
threw it at friend on land

getting out = difficult

mud slide present
pulled me out, but weighters came off
weighters still attached to my belt, dragging me down
get through with iggy socks
pour out gallons of water in weighters
sprained or something part of my foot weirdly

hopped around with iggy socks
felt like I still was wearing weighter even on land (drenched jeans blehgsss)

Yeah yep. Memories. Sorry for my blabbering. Just wanted to write it down somewhere.
Though the day has its interesting humps/ bumps I had fun times haha,
even when a little messy.

-lilxerica

event: mother's day!

2008-05-11T21:27:00.003-05:00

Ello! I'm not sure if I can manage to make my monthly quota of posts (haha), but here's something quick and easy to shout out:

Happy Mother's Day!

Take the time sometime to today (if not already) and say some meaningful words of appreciation towards your mom. Many of us don't realize how much our mothers have impacted our lives and how much they do whether it be emotionally or just simply cleaning your room, doing laundry, or cooking a mouth-watering meal. Things start to change however, when Mom's not there. The bed remains undone, the bathroom's mirrors are opaque, and you cry in the corner each night wishing for her to return home. Boohoo. So get up and give your mom a big hug and thank her for everything she's done!

-lilxerica

PS- Don't let this secular holiday creep up on you next year. Buy gifts and what-nots way ahead of time. Last minute gifts are basically crap. Take the time and put some thought in what you spend your buck on. She'll love it and you'll be proud too.

old post: response to "night"

2008-04-30T22:56:00.002-05:00

Description was in response to the holocaust book, "Night" by Elie Wiesel. Please pardon any grammatical mistakes as this was written last year.

"Lost with No Sight.

As Night draws to a close with its powerful yet simplistic ending, Elie suffers the loss of his father, the link to the past. Attached is a photograph taken recently.
Elie represents the girl crossing the street. There are many dangers and precautions before crossing, such as the factors of hunger and keeping his stamina up. The girl wears white. White is the color of innocence, and so in this picture her clothes symbolize the purity of the Jews, that they had done no wrong. The girl appears lost, as Elie is lifeless with no sight of hope.
As you look a bit farther, note the approaching car. It brings danger. We know the driver’s intention that he wants to reach the other side and keep going along the street, planning to achieve this as quickly as possible. This is similar to the German’s goal of genocide. They wish to reach their main objective as quick and efficiently as possible and therefore ignore those standing in their way by running over them.
As car accidents occur each day, all the victim is able to see is a flash of a blinking life and it’s all over. Of course, the killings of the Jews were not accidents, but the Nazis do send out a blinking alert of their arrival with the hushed rumors among the citizens of towns. In the beginning, Moshe the Beadle was that light for the Hungarian town where Elie came from. He blinked, blared out words repeatedly, but no one took head of this and zoom, those who did not run, vanished.
However in the photo, notice that the girl is looking towards the car as she is caught by the illumination of the lights. Elie unlike the others in the beginning believe Moshe the most, yet still like the girl has not taken action and moved to safety. Also near the end, Elie is at his limits when his father dies and described that everything after could not touch him anymore.
All around are the deep dark trees that hover over the scene. This is the darkness that waits patiently and are his thoughts of continuing with the evil surrounding him. There is only one tree different from the rest; the birch tree, white one. That one represents Elie’s most personal inner thoughts, such as the one of survival, referring to the block leader’s advice. In one scene the block leader, advised Elie to not give his father his ration but eat it himself for he had more potential to live as it was every man for himself in this situation. Morally, Elie refused to do this for he could not bear to part with his father or “betray” him in any way, but he knew the right decision.
“He was right, I thought in the most secret region of my heart, but I dared not to admit it.”
Finally, the sky appears glowing. The sun is the prisoner’s ray of hope, but often the clouds cover up this hope. Yet somehow, the sky will clear or that hope, sunray will shine through as Night concludes."

----5/8/07

--------------------------------

Also if anyone is curious, the actual picture was taken of my former friend crossing the street in such an odd way...

-lilxerica

older poetry: tennis team :)

2008-04-27T01:52:00.002-05:00

Tennis Team :)

Tennis for me
and for you
I have two rackets
and other equipment too
Won't you play
on this sunny day
or sit around
and loathe til noon
Remember it's
only Tennis for me
and for you.

-summer '07

-lilxerica

random quote: tears

2008-04-26T17:15:00.004-05:00

"Tears are words
the heart cannot express."

random poetry: peaches

2008-04-20T00:59:00.005-05:00

Peaches
are amazing.
Sweet in taste.
Perfect,
tended in the cold.
Stories inspired
by their appearance.
fuzzy, round and smooth.
James feasted on them.*
Girls bounded with them.**
The scent is pleasant in the air.
Fresh,
delightful, and
new,
peaches are superior to any fruit.

-lilxerica

*"James and the Giant Peach"
**"Peaches" and "The Secret of Peaches"

older poetry: love's definition

2008-04-07T22:17:00.003-05:00

define love for me please.

love is hard to understand perfectly

love is hard to know thoroughly

love is unbearable to lose

love is trickling to my skin

love is feeling emotion undescrible

love is the blush on my face

love is the laughter from our mouths

love is-

you.

7/26/06

-lilxerica

event: april fool's

2008-04-01T22:16:00.004-05:00

Happy April Fool's Day!

Through all the jokes and pranks pulled out today on this quite odd holiday (I'm not even sure if you would call it one. It's not at all secular.), there is one that stands out the most. One of my teachers told us one in particular that he pulled on his wife years ago, but still gives a fresh laugh each time he recalls the prank. It's the one about oreos, everyone's favorite milk dunker cookie. You basically carefully open the cookie ends and carefully replace the vanilla icing with baking soda toothpaste. After doing this to his wife, the couple teamed up together and prepared a whole new batch of "oreos" for a group of friends they invited over one day. I remember him enthusiastically telling us about he and his wife woulf pick up the normal oreo cookies from the bottom of the cookie platter, and offer their visitors the others. When they took a cookie, I could just imagine my teacher and his wife feigning to be nonchalant, but secretly anticipating the wild look of their victims. Mmmm quite amusing to hear and imagine the results. Just a warning though, only play this prank on people you know well that can take a joke with good humor or you'll have one less of a friend and a bunch of oreos thrown at ya. ;D

Sit tight for possibly a batch of fluorine filled oreos next year!

-lilxerica

plushies: The Mochi Pattern

2008-03-31T21:39:00.006-05:00

Hello there! Even though I often find myself tied up with ugly work to do that needs, but hopefully gets done, I do find many crafts and projects that do amuse me so. For example: Plushie making! :D It's all pretty new to me, but the concept of making your own stuffed what-nots is brilliant. Saves money, not necessarily time though, but I believe it's worth it to create something you can be proud of.

Try the pattern below from cherrymix.com!

Oh yeah, the right is my first finished product or rather an attempt of the fabulous plushie mochi. Unfortunately, I accidently made one of the patterns the wrong size and bam! I got a wonderfully deformed squishy ball. Even though it's not perfect. I drew a face and he's now the perfect stress ball!
-lilxerica

random quote: size of dreams

2008-03-30T16:49:00.004-05:00

"DREAM NO SMALL DREAMS

FOR THEY HAVE NO POWER TO

MOVE THE HEARTS OF MEN."

(aka. Always dream BIG!)

event: easter-ness

2008-03-23T22:15:00.002-05:00

I usually don't post twice a day, but I forgot to mention the festivities of today, though Easter is not usually in March... and so,

Happy Easter Sunday!

Let us reflect back and remember what Christ has done and is doing in our lives.

Remember:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life."

-John 3:16

He has risen!
He has risen, indeed.

-lilxerica

poetry: who i am

2008-03-23T22:10:00.003-05:00

I'm Lilxerica.

I like photography,
I enjoy taking pictures,
but I'm no expert photographer.

I appreciate music,
I listen to a variety of genres,
but I'm far from a musician.

I can pick up a pencil,
I am able to manipulate paper,
but I'm definitely not a Picasso.

I leap out of joy to visit the foreign,
I'm always anxious to taste new ethnic foods,
but sadly, I'm not a money tree.

I smell the mouthwatering aromas
from the kitchen,
And I can heat, stir-fry, and boil,
but maybe someday, not now though,
I'll cook like my mom or dad.

However,
I may not be a lot of amazing talented things,
but I think, believe, and wait-
actually know
that I am me.

-lilxerica

random quote: something to dance for

2008-03-14T23:12:00.004-05:00

“We dance for laughter,
we dance for tears,
we dance for madness,
we dance for fears,
we dance for hopes,
we dance for screams,
we are the dancers,
we create the dreams.”

-anonymous

-lilxerica

march: of the supposed lions and sheep

2008-03-02T16:09:00.003-06:00

Blurb of the Weather

With a comfortable leap day behind us, a new March is here.
In primary school, I was taught that the weather at the beginning of March was like that of a lion, with pure craziness and ended like a lamb into April. Funny enough, the rhyme for April deals with showers... Anyways, so far (it's only been two days into the month) I feel that the weather hasn't been hectic as the old saying claims. In fact, the weather in February was one of the most oddest I can recall with a mixture of rare warm, storming snow, slippery ice, and even a frosty rain. I awoke today stepping out the door in March, with pleasant 50 degree weather and despite the leftover dirty slushy snow of February, I could feel that taste of spring possibly upon us. However, I can't say that yet, that ground hog ritual has not yet begun...

Let's just hope the weather won't be as spontaneous as our recent February!

-lilxerica

random quote: risking and love

2008-02-27T19:57:00.004-06:00

“To love is to risk
not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure,
but risk must be taken
because the greatest hazard in life is to
risk nothing.”

through our eyes

2008-02-22T17:41:00.005-06:00

What do you see?

Green Eye: Green, surrounded by a misty blue and gold ring. Like the murky ocean.

Brown Eye: Brown, pure and simple. Designs like ancient Greek pottery, cracking.

Blue Eye: Blue, so deep and full of mystery. The patterns are wisps like nymphs that are dancing ever so gracefully.

-lilxerica

opening the door

2008-02-18T17:36:00.004-06:00

Opening the Door

Story of reminiscence between a boy and his struggle to accept his friend’s health condition

For hours, nature continued with her dance. The seventh brick house on the old avenue was empty with the exception of my presence. The rain came down and intensified with the thunderous beating of the Lord’s drum. Palms against the walls of the butterscotch painted hallways; I closed my eyes tolerating each ripple felt through the plaster. I would show no fear. Yet with each stroke of the heavy weight, my heart felt distilled and jumped two beats. I wandered through the house and with each step, I heard the wooden planks creak at my every movement. Remnants of the light from God’s own show, flashed across my face as I shuffled on forward. Passing each room, I peered in and each was beautifully painted with pastels and lightly glazed. Then, I held my breath as I crept past her door and wondered what it’d be like, if I could breathe no more. Pausing, I paced back and slipped through into her haven.

The lavender interior blew me away with her satin spread sheets folded gently across her soft down bed. It was like, nothing had ever changed.

My brave girl through all the pain, how could you do it?

How could you not ever fear?

You may not be here, but my admiration for you will never disappear. From there, I let my mind wander from the present of eternal rain to the past, where my brave girl existed.

I first met Aella, three years ago during a rather oddly cool summer. I remember clearly her bright green eyes that shined like emeralds captivating your line of sight within moments. I know, three years doesn’t seem like very long time, but it’s incredible on how once you’ve become involve with someone you love, it’s impossible to escape or leave them.

At the time, I was a pretty bland kid. My head of straight dark brown hair begged for a cut, but I resisted its pleas as I simply loved the amusement of flipping it back, feeling the texture of the strands in between my fingers as I moved it from my face. I did this routine whenever I had a chance. One day at the park, she caught me doing this obsessive ritual. From the swings, Aella jumped with a spring with no hesitation and approached me. She dove in near my face gave me a prying odd look like that of a child filled with curiosity. I slowly looked up and the color of my cheeks drained from utter embarrassment. Yet still, her expression did not change. Her smile soon became contagious. In return, I gave a wry smile and turned away. When I got home, all I could think about was the strange girl’s magnetic gaze.

Each day, I returned to the park and saw her cheerfully swinging on the same rusty chained swing with her radiant brunette curls bouncing about. It seemed like Time didn’t care for her. It was as if he missed her and stalked others as she continued her activities with youthful joy.

Eventually, I did get to know Aella the first summer. She was my irreplaceable gift. Her enthusiastic cheer and encouragement keep our morality up even when the summer came to a closure. We vowed to keep in touch as any other pair of friends should during the year.

Each week, I received long handwritten letters printed on rather festive lavender stationary and in return, I replied with much anticipation for another letter. By then, autumn had past and an early winter began to surface. With the coming of barren fields, Aella’s letters transformed from those worthy of novels to simple notes made without heart that came fewer than once a month. Still, despite these signs, I waited for another. When it came to a point that Aella’s letters had stopped altogether, I became concerned slumping into a deep depression yearning for summer to wake from the frozen cold.

Fortunately, Aella appeared that summer. Except as I reached out to greet her, she was not the same. Her innocence and genuine joy seemed degraded and Aella’s youth seemed to not mature but grow old. That evening, the stars twinkled brilliantly. My eyes began to water hearing her speak of her year as they reminded me of her emerald eyes. Then, she began to mumble and eventually fell silent. I held my head up and made eye contact and she resumed with more volume.

“I’m sorry, that I hadn’t been writing,” Aella swallowed and forced a smile to continue. “As the Lord has it, I’m dying.”

I thought she was kidding. I honestly did, but then I realized that I wasn’t thinking about it. I knew she was telling the truth. I only wanted to believe otherwise and live in denial.

“Say something,” Aella pleaded with concern. Honestly, I couldn’t.

How could she be this strong?

I instead pierced my lips and hugged her firmly, never wanting to let go. Then, I did.

From then on, Aella never really did discuss her condition after her confession and we carried on living with no boundaries. At sunset, I gathered up the courage to ask.

“Are you afraid Aella?”

“Of what?” she replied with a smile.

“You know… dying?” I whispered. “Fearing death as it comes closer?” I waited for a reply and to my astonishment, Aella chuckled and shook her head.

“I must be weird,” Aella twisted a shiny brown curl from her hair as she spoke, “but no, I’m not. At first, I knew for certain that I felt Fear in my presence, but odd enough Fear never latches onto me like Death can.” I shed a tear and nodded as the second summer faded away. From the corner of my eye, I sensed Aella starting to fade just as fast, but it was only my harsh imagination.

By the third and final year, we no longer met at the park, but instead at the same spot I stood now; her lavender coated room. Each morning, I would walk down the old avenue to greet her. Often, I sat beside her bed as we talked about life. I wish some days that I could be stronger and have acceptance for her fate like she did, but I couldn’t and felt ashamed for that.

As her days became numbered I watched painfully as her radiant brunette locks that I had once admired grew dull and disappeared. Sometimes, it felt like I could feel her pain as she could mine. To heal our emotional wounds, Aella would write poetry serenading the wonders of life.

One day, Aella handed me a poem to read. I gazed at it long as it was not like any of her previous ones.

Life shouldn’t be wasted.

But it shall be spared.

Life is fragile

yet bond with great care.

When Death approaches

He craves the fear

Seeks for sadness

And your desperate, needy despair

Life with grace

Crosses Death’s Race

Mingles with His

Many sadistic mind games

Then She collapses

Under no ones control

She took the risks

Fire with fire

And now

Life is Your Only Desire

Strolling on Death Row

Sit, you weep.

Lord hath no mercy?

Each tear come down

Sun rises at dawn

Death flees

Life’s beauty seeps

Into your untainted and pure skin

Unfortunately

Death is found still,

Knocking on Her Door

And won’t flee no more.

“Will you do me a favor?” Aella whispered. Her words were soft.

“Anything,” I responded.

“When Death is there,” she pointed to her mahogany wooden door frame, “please let him in.” I didn’t respond. Aella held my hand and sighed, before she was thrown into a merciless coughing fit. Swiftly, I grabbed a glass of water and patted her frail back lightly. Not wanting to count anymore days, I finally understood Aella’s wish.

During the last night, I embraced Aella with full arms and listened closely to her instruction.

“Tonight’s the night.” I drew my eyes onto her face and saw her childish gleam with her brilliant emerald eyes sparkling like just as they were when I first met her. With that, I laid Aella comfortably there within her satin lavender sheets and stepped three paces to the door and let him in.

By now, the rain had settled to only a shower. Mother Nature’s movement had ended, but my tears still danced, longing for a finale. Reaching into my coat pocket, I grasped Aella’s poem that had absorbed my sorrow and laid it upon her bed. With that, I left my brave girl’s haven, leaving the mahogany door open. ♫

-(11/10/08)

-lilxerica

thoughts about love and marriage

2008-02-15T17:30:00.018-06:00

Love and Marriage

Happy Late-Valentine's Day anyone?

Anyways, the following is just different thoughts of mine concerning love and marriage. The topic could be endless, but the post and attention of yours will last only so long. Also, later on in life, my perception might change.

I think that both love and marriage are wonderful gifts given to us in life. Of course, we may like other gifts received, choose to use and cherishing them (reaping their benefits and living quite happily) or return them for something of equal, less, or more practical value, such as working or a job.
If one were to use the gifts of love and marriage, there is of course, a cause and effect. Cons, perhaps would be (for those who think so deeply and demand them):
1) loss of true independence as you'll be smitten by another and captivated by the spell of their presence
2) one may not be self-centered (not that anyone really wants to be or intentionally wants to be), as the world alone will not only revolve around you with the bond of marriage. However, despite these "conditions," love itself seems to fill these empty cracks making the job less or never tiresome.
To return or refuse or rebuff the gifts of marriage and love, is not at all a horrid choice depending on the individual. Many are destined to marry, others need not to disperse their emotions through romance.
The world simply needs to understand that love transforms and as mortal beings, we are bound to eventually accept that.
Sometimes it may easier (or harder to) to think that marriage isn't necessary. Love is love. Marriage, however is a signification of that and reassures two individuals that their bound will hope to not be broken through weather and storm.
How about "Love at first sight?"
The very idea is flattering, but degrades the virtue. Love occurs overtime, how it shall be "lust at first sight" stating of physical attraction. Love is both the combination of a person to another's internal and external attribute that seemly click.

-lilxerica

older poetry: A Request.

2008-02-11T19:00:00.001-06:00

A Request

Oh Lord release me of this pain i feel.

the pain that burdens me ever so.

the burden that weighs these weak shoulders.

i have been troubled and in distraught.

frustrated and in the dark.

the dark bleek abyss that swallowed my every bit of joy.

the shadow i loomed over that haunted my countless dreams of wonder.

the nightmares drove me onto the edge.

the edge that i nearly slipped to fall into a deep state of insanity.

the horror, the pain, the silence of my life had been slaughtered by the villians of the night.

grasping just a gasp of this very air so fragrant and gentle.

may i have found this piece of mind?

this "happiness", this feeling of rejoice over truimph of my greatest fears?

i think not.

for the sweet sounds and whisps of air are outnumbered and

ousted by the thundering beats and cutting swords of sharp invisible insults.

left as frail and nimble as a victim of plague,

i am caught vulnerable in so many conditions of failure.

my will, my strength, my power

all disappeared. vanished

in the middle of the night

Oh Lord my thread of hope is thin

the eversweet fruits of life i once held deep in these arms

have melted and been grounded into this barren earth

so wasted and useless. just like my sense of justice

Lord, i implore

lift me of the burdens and sorrows once more

come to side and relieve my mind

of this sicking pain and sharpening blade

that punctures my every part of this

weak sorrowful soul

Let me rest

Let me have peace

Let me restore what is drawing near the shore

My request

the request of

Tranquility.

(1/11/07)

-lilxerica

Oh the weather outside is frightful

2008-02-06T16:34:00.001-06:00

Seriously it is.
The holiday season maybe be over, but the winter one is not.
Snow falls heavily to the ground.
A snow day actually occurs.
Who may we blame?
Global Warming! Hardly warm though.

In a way, through the back-breaking shoveling and expense of tissues for flus and colds, the weather's somehow soothing. It's like we are living in a reverse snow globe. You know, the ones that you shake and fake speckles of snow flow gently down over a miniature town encased in a glass sphere. Putting my palms flat on the glass of the window, I absorb the cool energy from outside and feel it evaporate within my warmth. Some days, I would walk to the window and unfold the curtain, and stand in awe as it revealed a scene of untouched beauty. Wisps of snow whipping along with the current of the wind, rooftops of white. Everything sparkled for it was unmodified by other forces, including ourselves. The way I see is that once we man our machines and plow and pick at the ground. The snow becomes not as much as a beauty anymore, but only props, objects of our surroundings. Piles of mass that fill space, simply pushed aside.

-lilxerica

behind the stars: writer's strike

2008-01-17T19:02:00.001-06:00

“Behind many acts that are thought ridiculous there lie wise and weighty motives.”

-François de la Rochefoucauld

I'm not an expert on the topic, nor have I really followed the writer's strike information carefully in-depth over the last two months since it began. And so, I'm probably like any other bystander, disappointed that my favorite tv shows' seasons have been cut short, have ridiculously random endings, and that most of the award ceromonies concerning pop culture have been unfortunately canceled (the people's choice award's attempt to go on was boring...). This is exactly what the situation wants the public to feel and therefore take the side with the writers.
I found it very interesting how during the people choice awards, Angus T. Jones from "Two and A Half Men" said with a solemn voice, "I kind of wanted to tell you a joke, but the writers are on strike, so I have nothing." Besides the motive of more money, I believe that the writer's strike as a whole have taught us a lesson about appreciation for those not seen. Of course, everyone else is trying to convey the same message that "writers are awesome", "we need them" in order to coax the writers to return without demands satisfied.
I'm not sure if I'm too pessimistic to say this, but I hope some can agree with me that the chain of effects following America's disasters have altogether made us stronger in a way (besides the other side effects too). For example, 9/11, a terrible time indeed. We all have our stories about conspiracies involved and other ideas, but really, no one was prepared. As a result, our nation heightened in security, invaded our privacy, made us scorn the president with the decisions made about Iraq, but despite these annoyances, the crux of it all was that America soon looked around and saw each other.
Then about four years later, Hurricane Katrina and the tsunamis came tumbling in and shook America as well as the whole world to raise the awareness of helping each other out in times of need.
Now we have this, writer's strike. What has it taught us? To me, it made me realize that actors and actresses are only faces or puppets. Without the lines to say or the master puppeteer's hands, they are merely only good-looking people and objects that only make a room look pretty and nothing more. One simply cannot succeed by them self. An actor cannot perform without a performance to give. Be grateful for those who work behind the scenes, they are just as if not more important as the actors. I truly hope the strike will end and that both parties are satisfied.

-lilxerica

random quote: where in friendship one should walk

2008-01-14T19:45:00.001-06:00

If you value friendship like another person does, take the time to read one of my favorite quotes pertaining to the subject of friendship. It's quite accurate.

Don't walk in front of me,

I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me,

I may not lead.

Just walk beside me and

be my friend.

- Albert Camus

like a chicken: cooped up

2008-01-13T12:51:00.001-06:00

Cooped Up, like a chicken

That's sometimes how I feel.

Just plain and simple
Cooped up, like a chicken.

I can't possibly be
like a chicken
in a cowardly way,
because as
Cooped up, like a chicken
as I am
there is no place to go.

No where to wobble and cringe
recoiling in fear
as since I'm
Cooped up, like a chicken
the pen will keep me in here.

The eyes of people
will reap me of my privacy
exposed, like in a glass case
A transparent, thin yet impenetrable
Glass Case.

This firm case will enclose my feathers
Shake them off
Scared, frozen
Maybe not like a chicken
I will weep.

Under everyone's watch
my throat seems to tighten
Cooped up, like a chicken
has taken a toll on me
with suffocation.

Did you know a chicken can survive a limited amount of days headless?

Through the wires
of the pen
I attempt to wiggle
my way out.

It's useless though
as the farmer scoops
me back to rot and be
Cooped up, like a chicken
once again.

Flapping wings
that show no use
I gain only less than a foot.

Nature made me this way
Am I always so destined
to lose?

Cooped up, like a chicken
I gawked at others
but secretly wish
I were them

not
Cooped up, like a chicken
that will later become dinnertime's food.

Many sick chickens are slaughtered and eaten by by us first.

The farmer's steps
are heavy with weight
thundering as he approaches.

A great large shadow
is overhead and floats across the pen.

He unlatches the pen and gropes for
the ugliest
sickest
chicken
to be cooked.

Of course it's me.
I shout and scream
defying the fact, I’m
Cooped up, like a chicken.

Frighten by, the ugly shrill
He steps back.

I continue this horrid scene of me being
Cooped up, like a chicken
and try to escape by falling
to the hay-stack ground.

From there,
The farmer bends down
and once again does the similar routine
of scooping me back up to once again be
Cooped up, like a chicken
with no hope.

Yet no,
This shalln’t happen.

I flap my wings with force and strength
shedding the dirty feathers.

My chicken feet bloom
from repulsing sticks
to flesh and bone.

The dull beak that
once fed from animal fodder
has become tender
bright pink lips
soft to touch.

Finally broken up of my state of being
Cooped up, like a chicken
I give the audience
that once stared
an icy glare
from my deep brown eyes
no longer weak, self-conscious and beady.

I am no longer
Cooped up, like a chicken.

-lilxerica

new year resolutions

2008-01-07T18:21:00.001-06:00

Make or Break?

I pull out a particular square of notebook paper from my folder.

It's been folded several times and so I carefully open each layer of paper revealing the many creases indented into the edges. The top of the page is titled "New Year Resolutions 2008." Underneath, a list of about seventeen items had been written. I give a light chuckle realizing how many of them I had broken. Already it had been almost a week from the new year and this list of scribbled writing felt so old. I pull the paper closer and squint at the words. The majority of the list seemed to be written with such thought, anticipation, and time invested into creation.

Feeling guilty, I wonder: Is it too late to start over?

Other times, I can't help but think that perhaps I neglected to accomplish this new year's goals only because I was a tinsy bit lazy or rather a tinsy bit numbed by post-holiday cheer. I think a better explanation is the lack of self-discipline. I'll be gracious and give myself another chance. After all, it's a bit funny how new year resolutions seem to demand change over night. Sometimes it can't really happen like that. Working our way up is always a good thing to do. And so this year, if you yourself have ceased to begin, why not start now?

However, I wouldn't always have this sort of psychology or seriously, you'll never get anything done. Also, maybe before one writes up a list, think through whether you will actually achieve at least one of them. That way, you can shoot for something, but won't be as heavy as a burden. Short-term goals can be a little trick to get some motivated.

I mean, really, what's the use of making a list and ending up breaking every single item?

There isn't any = Big Waste of Time.

With that, change your old ways wisely, and begin anew!

Tomorrow,
resist the chocolates
and the french fries,
stop the profanity,
and treat others kindly.
If it were only that easy.

That's probably why about only ten percent of people who make new years resolutions succeed.

-lilxerica

advances in technology

2008-01-04T22:54:00.001-06:00

Digital vs Real.

I was driving in the car today and was tuned in on the radio. News informed me that last year, cd sales for music dropped 15% and music downloads in turn, increased I think about 45%.

Today, it's becoming extremely popular to simply download songs online instead of going to the local music store. Beside the benefits of saving space and the bother of driving over to the store, could this convenience pose as a threat or contribute to the factors that are endangering the country's health?

Think about it. In the last ten years, we've undergone incredible changes concerning culture and technology. From fast food that has provided efficient and cheap food service for all, including the working, poor, and lazy to the rise of video games, console systems that all began from the eighties. Our actions influence who we've become.

For example in Hollywood need I say more, stars there put themselves out to the public traditionally through their work in movies and shows, but lately much of that has changed. Many have downgraded their sense of dignity and have thrown their life of wealth and fame to the grapples of drugs, sex, and violence. Yet still, no matter what they do, their conflict, passion, and frenzy simply fuels more publicity and amusement for all. Hmm, a world of celebrities not known for their Grammys or Oscars, but named for the outrageous incidents clubbing or inappropriate shots elsewhere that in no way demonstrates stardom.

Now with this whole downloading propaganda, I honesty do not trust it. How do you know whatever you download is secure? It would be quite distressful if one invested a great deal of money on music to have it all completely wiped out due to a virus inflicted onto their computer. Cds to me, provide more of a shelter to these worries. I find them reliable. I'm not sure that I believe this only because I've grown up with them since they became popular or that I'm blind to their defects. I do know however, that this idea is similar to owning a digital camera. Sure, somebody can take a million photos and put them onto their hard drive. With the pictures there, you can do amazing things, such as editing without the actual darkroom or one can compose a whole digital gallery/ album of your photos for show. Remarkable what we can do nowadays, yes? But then why am I complaining?

Well, I draw the line to these things. Yes, I have the whole package; music on the computer for easy download to transportable devices and trillions of folders filled with photographic evidence of the memories I've shared with those I love. However, there's a difference to what you feel and see.

Call me old fashion, but I'd prefer boasting about an enormous cd collection or I'd rather have my grandchildren in the future with others gather around me holding a large photo album encased with memories that are safe and sound, instead of crowding over a computer and squinting at the screen.

To feel a photo from long ago is a pure sensation. Looking at my mother and father's old polaroid pictures of their honeymoon, it sent a tingle down my spine thinking that so many years ago, my parents too, held the same photo. It's the same with handwritten letters. Emails are sweet and causal, but handwritten letters are personal and heartfelt. To touch the indents embedded into the paper by their pen is special and nothing can replace that sense of personalization.

Perhaps, I think the steps we take in this technology age can sometimes get a bit extreme. Some propose job interviews on the internet or robots that dance. I won't get into those as I could on and on about how I feel that technology cannot or rather, should not replace the company of another person.

Is technology moving a bit too fast? Are we forgetting something along the way? Or will it be too late to turn around and pick up what's lost? We really cannot tell, but in the mean time, let's try to treasure everything that's palpable to our fingers and ponder about this some more in peace.

-lilxerica

2008

2008-01-01T21:41:00.001-06:00

Just before the day ends...
let us celebrate the beginning of a new year
(if you haven't already).

Goodbye 2007!

Remember the cheer
Remember the tears

Recall the past
But lay it to rest
with a wonderful new year upon us.

Welcome 2008!

-lilxerica

hands

2007-12-31T13:36:00.001-06:00

Hands

look at these hands

they can type

up a story from your mind

look at these hands
they can cook
a big chocolate pie only for you

look at these hands
they can feel
your emotion running through your veins

look at these hands
they can brush
the air like palm trees do

look at these hands
they can make
something impalpable seem so real

look at these hands
they are yours.

-lilxerica